5 Ways for the Pastor’s Wife to Make Friends in a New Church
Why is it that making friends as an adult in a church community feels eerily similar to being the new kid in middle school? Heck, even the awkward acne-face likes to make an appearance. Thanks, nearly 40-years-old hormones. When we prayed to keep our youthful vitality, this is not at all what we meant. But we digress…
Being a pastor’s wife can be lonely for a host of reasons. But we don’t have to stay this way. We can be proactive in building healthy relationships within and outside of our church family. Here are 5 practical ways to do this:
Broaden your thinking of what makes a good friend. Sometimes the best person for the season you’re in is someone who is nothing like you, perhaps someone older or younger than you… maybe someone whose personality is not the type you normally gravitate to. You might be surprised by who ends up making the best of friends. We know firsthand how beneficial it is to have friends in different age brackets and stages of life. While you’re at it, look for the person who needs a friend too. Trust us, there is someone else looking for a friend, just like you are. We all need each other.
Don’t wait for someone to invite you to hang out. Take initiative and ask your potential friend to coffee or a play date for your kids (for those with little ones). We get that it’s awkward and especially hard for those of us with quieter, more introverted personalities. But stepping outside of your comfort zone could pay off in incredible ways!
Join a community Bible study or small group outside of your church. One of us went through several years of loneliness at a former church. In order to find community, she joined a Community Bible Study at another church in the area. Through this study, she grew close to one particular lady and was able to spend time with her at least once a week and have someone to text or call on hard days. This lady was a pastor’s wife at another church and was able to relate to the pressures of church ministry life. A breath of fresh air! And this leads us to our next piece of advice…
Find other pastors’ wives to connect with in your area. More than likely, there are other pastors’ wives nearby searching for community just like you are. If your husband has met other pastors, have him invite his pastor acquaintances and their families over for dinner. Just order a pizza and keep it simple. If he hasn’t met any yet, perhaps you could take initiative and facilitate a brunch/lunch for pastors’ wives. Create a cute invite on the Canva app and pick a restaurant to meet up at. Hand deliver them to local churches if you can and/or post to social media. Never underestimate the power of social media! In fact, we have a Facebook Community Group for pastors’ wives that you can join in order to meet other pastors’ wives. Join the group and make an introductory post asking what women happen to be in or near your city. Lots of pastors’ wives have found each other this way.
Pray for friends. It’s the obvious step, but we tend to skip it. We can get so focused on other people’s problems and bigger issues going on within our families, we forget that God cares about the “little things” too. Jesus was our example with a thriving tight knit community, so why wouldn’t He desire the same for us? Be intentional and specific with your prayers, even journal them if that works for you. Specific prayers get specific answers. Preaching to the choir, we know!
As you seek friendship, we don’t want you to feel alone. You can listen to the following podcast episodes for more conversation on friendship and loneliness as a pastor’s wife:
Episode 14: Karen Stiller Interview— How to Find Your Tribe When You’re a Lonely Minister’s Wife
Episode 93: To Friend or Not to Friend - Can a Pastor’s Wife Have Friends in Her Church?
